Friday, December 08, 2006

A late night call to Zook

Back when Zook got hired by Illinois, I wrote this piece. It's a fictional account about how Zook will find out he's been fired by Illinois. In my imagination MojaveGator, a fellow moderator at Zook Free Zone (and former moderator at the message board), calls him in the middle of the night. Those familiar with Zook will find understand why my fellow ZFZers found this hilarious.

"Hello Ron,

Sorry to wake you at this hour...

What, you were awake? Oh that's right you sleep real fast. Anyway I'm calling you from Las Vegas. My name is Mojave. MojaveGator actually. Yeah I know it's a cool name. Anyway I'm the moderator on an on-line message board. Which one? Well actually I'm embarrassed to say it's

Anyway I was calling because I know you don't pay particularly close attention to media reports and I thought that there was something you should know.

Yeah Vegas. It's in the Mojave Desert. Anyway it's being widely reported that you've been fired from Illinois. Oh, so you hadn't heard? I figured, that's why I called. It seems that the AD, you know, your boss, is tired of all the "improvement" the team has had over the last two years. The straw that broke the camel's back was that loss to MSU. No not that one. Michigan State.

Your replacement? Oh it's a monkey. Well it's not really a monkey, that's just what they call it, it's really a computer that's been programmed to pick random plays with no regard to strategy or situation. They did some trial runs already and frankly the monkey is much smarter than you, and it doesn't threaten frat boys. Another advantage is that the monkey is cheap which is good since UI still owes you a year's salary. Anyway everyone at UI is thankful for the recruiting you've done, especially the monkey. He thinks he's got a shot at a big 10 title with talent you've left him. Of course he's going to have to instill a little discipline first.

What? Yes this means you can stop looking at those game films. Yeah, get some sleep.

Good night,

Yeah you take care too.


No comments: