Lessons from the past

I was just perusing some of the old content at the original fireronzook.com web site. The reason is that just like the bible you can always find something there that seems to suit the present situation. History repeats itself, you see. Anyway, a regular feature of FRZ was the sermons given by "Mike in NYC". Here's a few excerpts from a sermon after a home loss to Tennessee back in 2003. Let's see if you notice some eerie similarities:

How do we waste so much talent, I kept looking down at Zook running around the sideline screaming like a....like a SPECIAL TEAMS COACH and I once again knew that this sight was justified in everything we ever said.

It's like letting a kindergarten kid try to drive the bus to school ... I mean sure he's been on a bus and seen how it runs and stuff but the kid just doesn't have the capacity to drive it. That's just like Zook, he can't do it. It's obvious! Look at him during a game. No other head coach does what Zook does. He has no control of the sideline. We got a flag for that Saturday! He has no ability to manage a clock and he calls plays like he is reaching into a grab bag and just doing whatever play he pulls out, no matter what the situation.

I applaud the fans at Florida Field Saturday. It was hot as hell and they kept cheering, kept trying to spark the team but nothing could help a team caged in by a buffoon offensive coordinator and a clown head coach who is ultimately responsible for his assistants. The defense was on the field for hours, the QB rotation, the running back rotation, the receiver rotation is a total joke and everyone knew it. I looked at the offensive huddle during a TV timeout on the sideline; there must have been 20 guys in it. WHY? Do we get extra points for player participation? Zook here is some advice, MAKE A DECISION! Keep the players who perform the best on the field!

Martin finally drives us down the field and Zook rewards Tennessee by taking him out!!! WHY? I guess we wanted the hot hand out of the game? I hate to be the one to let the Florida coaches in on a little secret, we run the exact same plays with Ingle Martin and Chris Leak. So defenses prepare the exact same way for both. How different is Martin throwing a wide receiver screen opposed to Leak throwing a wide receiver screen?

Why after every Ben Troupe catch does he get up and run immediately off the field? IS HE TOO GOOD??? I saw him stay on once! He was running to the sideline and they waved him back into the huddle. You know how people blast Dave Wannstedtt for not giving the ball to their best player (Ricky Williams). Why don't people blast Zook for how he handles Ben Troupe?

Illini fans will recognize the patterns in the above passages. The clueless look on Zook's face. The personnel decisions and substitution patterns that don't seem to make sense (can't settle on a QB). Inability to get the ball in the hands of the playmakers (in Illinois case it's Benn). Terrible and seemingly random play calling.

The hallmark of a losing program

If you ever wanted to see thinking the pervades in the minds of the fans of a losing program, then you must read this thread at Illiniboard. The overwhelming sentiment is that even though Illinois has lost two very winnable games, they are "ahead of schedule". If you had high expectations this season "it's your problem." Many are "happy to be 5-3" despite the fact that the team probably has the talent to win the Big 10 in a year that traditional powers aren't that good. Michigan is down and OSU is untested to date. The Big 10 championship was there for taking but Zook declined it by accepting a penalty he shouldn't have and by playing musical chairs with his quarterbacks.

I still don't understand the psychology of a loser. They call their own fans and alums "front runners" for wanting their team to win winnable games.

The beautiful thing is that I get to live all of this again, but only vicariously this time. It's a lot sweeter to see this tragedy befall someone else. It's like finally dumping that lousy cheating wife and watching the next guy fall into the trap. If that guy is a jerk, even better. And Illinois fans are for the most part jerks. Kool-aid drinking jerks.

A late night call to Zook

Back when Zook got hired by Illinois, I wrote this piece. It's a fictional account about how Zook will find out he's been fired by Illinois. In my imagination MojaveGator, a fellow moderator at Zook Free Zone (and former moderator at the fireronzook.com message board), calls him in the middle of the night. Those familiar with Zook will find understand why my fellow ZFZers found this hilarious.

"Hello Ron,

Sorry to wake you at this hour...

What, you were awake? Oh that's right you sleep real fast. Anyway I'm calling you from Las Vegas. My name is Mojave. MojaveGator actually. Yeah I know it's a cool name. Anyway I'm the moderator on an on-line message board. Which one? Well actually I'm embarrassed to say it's fireronzook.com.

Anyway I was calling because I know you don't pay particularly close attention to media reports and I thought that there was something you should know.

Yeah Vegas. It's in the Mojave Desert. Anyway it's being widely reported that you've been fired from Illinois. Oh, so you hadn't heard? I figured, that's why I called. It seems that the AD, you know, your boss, is tired of all the "improvement" the team has had over the last two years. The straw that broke the camel's back was that loss to MSU. No not that one. Michigan State.

Your replacement? Oh it's a monkey. Well it's not really a monkey, that's just what they call it, it's really a computer that's been programmed to pick random plays with no regard to strategy or situation. They did some trial runs already and frankly the monkey is much smarter than you, and it doesn't threaten frat boys. Another advantage is that the monkey is cheap which is good since UI still owes you a year's salary. Anyway everyone at UI is thankful for the recruiting you've done, especially the monkey. He thinks he's got a shot at a big 10 title with talent you've left him. Of course he's going to have to instill a little discipline first.

What? Yes this means you can stop looking at those game films. Yeah, get some sleep.

Good night,

Yeah you take care too.

Click.

The Myth of Ron Zook

Zookism is a cult. In order to belong to the cult you have to drink the Kool-Aid. Like any cult, there is a mythology surrounding it. In Zookism's case a big part of the mythology surrounds the proverbial cupboard.

You see there once was a house in Gainesville and when Ron Zook moved in the cupboard was bare. Ron worked hard, very hard in fact he hardly got any sleep, to buy the groceries (and by buying we may be using a metaphor and we may not be depending on who you believe). And Ron loaded that cupboard up only to be thanklessly evicted.

So it's no surprise that Ron Zook rated the Gators number 2 in his coaches poll ballot. You see Urban Meyer is winning with his groceries players. This only helps build up the Zookist mythology.

But like all cults, the mythology is far from the reality. When Steve Spurrier lived in the same house as Zook he took the groceries that were there and immediately whipped up some fantastic meals. When he would shop for groceries he's often bring back the ingredients that didn't have fancy packaging or that were loaded with empty calories, he brought back real stuff that was often overlooked by other grocery shoppers and worked wonders with it. He was a true chef coach.

Zook on the other hand was like a child. If he saw a commercial for a breakfast cereal on TV he immediately wanted it, especially if there was a toy trinket inside. The fact is that the cupboard wasn't bare when Ron Zook moved into that house in Gainesville, it was loaded with good stuff that Zook wasn't interested in.

For those of you former Zookists there is hope. Keep reading this blog and go to places like Zook Free Zone. You'll be deprogrammed in no time.

The Zook Era Illustrated

Click on the image to enlarge. Notice the following:

1. The look on Albert the Alligator's face when Zook takes over at the entrance to "the tunnel of losing".

2. Zook looking for a brawl on the front lawn of the Pi Kap house.

3. The state of Mississippi: 3, Zook: 0